Things I learned this weekend: if you have brownie box mix, but no eggs, do not attempt to make the recipe by substituting other random crap.
It. Will. Not. Work.
After looking up on the internet, I discovered that cornstarch can replace eggs. This is a lie. Adding cornstarch is a good way to make inedible brownie Play Doh.
Obviously, the batter needed to be loosened up. And the obvious answer: oil and water.
It seemed like a miracle fix. Finally, we could bake and then partake of brownies!
But after 40 minutes in the oven, the brownies were less like the fudgy pictures on the front of the box, and more like a Yellowstone National Park of hot oil geysers. It was an EPIC FAIL!
Lesson learned: if I really want brownies, I should just wait until the grocery store is open and buy the damn eggs.